did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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