He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The Olympian is in my bed
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
