it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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