see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No...this little piggys going to the bar
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
