I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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