Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
