she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
