I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
