the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
