bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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