good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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