He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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