I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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