Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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