She is in my trunk
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
