There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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