i just wanna soil my oats bro
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
