I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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