therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
