nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
