So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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