yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
