i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
