I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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