I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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