Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
