apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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