she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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