She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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