you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
