I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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