nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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