Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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