I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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