But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
