i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
