Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
