I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
