What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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