Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
