Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
