I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize