32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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