I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
