I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
