just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
