If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
