what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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