ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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