Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
