Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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