If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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