I've blown a few things in my day
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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