She's JV to your varsity
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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