Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
