god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
