drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
