When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
