Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
