I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
