it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
