easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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