He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
