I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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