When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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