Life is so much better after having sex.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
