I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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