just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
