dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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