I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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