I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
