even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
