so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
