Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
