I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This house was built for laser tag.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
