I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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