He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize