her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
