I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
