I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
smell my finger.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
